Bizarro-Brainiac Bounces Back! Boldly!

"Good! Wait -- good. No broken means broken. The antennas are broken," says Starman, reasoning his way cautiously through Bizarro World.

"And this," he says, displaying the multi-sphered ray gun, "is the copying gun, apparently. Which could have been worse."

"Okay, Bizarro-Brainiac, what now? Are you gonna put this robo-village back where you got it from?"

"ALWAYS!"

"Always means ... never. Aw crud. You're gonna do this the hard way, aren't you?"

Bizarro-Brainiac shakes his head fiercely, then runs away, back into the brass mechanical wind-up city.

The windup people shoot him just as resolutely as they have the heroes, but Bizarro-Brainiac runs on, trying to reach the big power station/cathedral/library/whatever in the center. You know, the one that has all the stolen electricity running to it.

But Green Arrow cut the power line, you say! And yes, he did.

But suddenly the mechanical beehive-like structure comes to brilliant electric life, whirling and flashing and emitting signals of green coherent light!

"Waaah! Gasp! Sob!" laughs Bizarro-Brainiac. "Me am in trouble now!"

Actually, he IS in trouble now.

Because a gold-and-copper disc ship drops down from the heavens, links up with the robot city in a visible rainbow of green energy data, and opens its rim. Mechanical bees flood forth, in torrential numbers, seizing and binding and lifting Bizarro-Brainiac, hanging him from a convenient gargoyle in a web of sticky golden wires.

The alien disc ship revolves, lands, and lights up. A teleporter cloud crackles into life, and out steps a blank-eyed War Drone with stinger cannon and web carbine, looking around dully at Opal/Robo City and its defenders.

(Though not the Shade. Can't see him!)

"You," buzzes the War Drone. "Human in green clothing with bow and arrow. Take me to the one called Green Arrow, or lose your will forever to the Drone Toxin."

He hefts his stinger cannon as additional War Drones begin materializing, one by one, from the disc ship.

Monkey King appears suddenly and punches the Bizarro-Brainiac. Assuming he is the oppose of the evil giant capture demon machine, he racks his brain for what Brainiac was good at.

Force fields! that's it!

he then says "okay super smart well-functioning maniacal marvel, how about you keep taking the buildings of this city and I will hit you again!"

Then he realizes that Brainiac has already lost and floats there looking foolish.

Ah, but has Brainiac lost? For the blow dealt by the Monkey King has torn the brass network holding him captive. He drops to the pavement, face first.

"Yay!" gasps Bizarro-Braniac as he goes down. But he bounds right up again, green fists clenched!

"Me am easy to clobber, because Brainiac no have glass jaw!"

"And now, me am use my copying ray pistol, which Starman has taken away!"

He doesn't. Instead, he lunges at Monkey King and tries to hit him with his green stony fist.

This has virtually NO chance of working ...

THE SHADE:

The Shade will quietly untie Green Arrow and slip away into the shadows...more.

But Green Arrow has not told the Drone Soldier where Green Arrow is, so the Drone Soldier shoots Green Arrow with Drone Toxin.

"Now your will is fluid, draining into the vast ocean of obedience which is the Hive," the Drone Soldier explains. "Now you must reveal where is the Green Arrow human being."

A Duel in Armaghetto

"Then I shall have to defeat it!" says Hawkgirl sunnily.
(Thwack!)

Bi-Clops staggers around, blind and crackling electric arcs all over everything.

"I, the most optically gifted of all cyclopes, bested! If only Verman Vunderbar is similarly defeated, so that he has not the power to punish my failure."

Moving at the speed of...well, even faster than that, Swift picks up some rocks, moves past the various baddies and lets go of the rocks.

Then, she circles back, watching. Whoever is affected by being beaned by a super-fast moving rock...great. Whoever is not...she'll start planning something more sophisticated.

Zip! Zip! Rocks bounce off Botanifex' wooden hide. He grows a few more limbs.

Ding! Ding! Rocks clang off Bi-Clops' armor, having passed harmlessly through his electrical defenses, because rocks.

"Ah! I am already defeated!" Bi-Clops insists.

Meanwhile, Kanto has disarmed Verman Vunderbar and slashed the monocle from his eye without hurting either the eye or, what is even more amazing, the monocle.

"Ladies!" he declares. "The living tree is yet our enemy, but his master lies at my feet! If we can but overcome the might of Botanifex, then Armaghetto is ours!"

He grins.

"Not the most triumphant of prizes, I'll grant you. But, the first step to bigger and better things? Does the Flash want a share of the eventual spoils, as well as Thanagar's Hawk Police?"

Decidedly NOT in Paradise

Swift stands with her hands on her hips. "Um...did you just blast Hawkgirl to smithereens?"

"Wait .. YES! Yes, me did!" says Lightseid happily.

"Because me am imperfect duplicate of Darkseid," he burbles on. "Darkseid's Omega Beam blast victim to atoms, so my Alpha Beam must do exact same thing! Curses and infamy!" he says cheerfully.

"She must no be totally fine somewhere!"

Swift taps her foot repeatedly, accidentally causing a rather deep ditch.

"Well, phooey, I don't think I can run there." She gestures at herself and the ape.

"Maybe you should send us, too. She might need help."

Swift looks at the ape, who she just figured out was unconscious, as she had been busy zooming her gaze all over the landscape.

"Well, that's just swell!"

"Lightseidy thingy! I feel it is time for you to surrender!"

"Yes!" says Lightseid, and shoots Swift and Valendar with his Alpha Beams.

Now, Swift sees them coming, and she's very fast, so she may be able to dodge them.

Very difficult question...dodge and live? Or trust that he seemed...she thinks, if she didn't switch his words inaccurately, to have sent Hawkgirl somewhere.

She grits her teeth and holds onto the ape.

BRADABADADADADOOOOM!

And just like that, Swift (and Valendar) are on Apokolips.

The sky is twisted in firey skeins while Kanto and Hawkgirl, their swords raised, challenge Verman Vundabar.

"Ach!" says that worthy, "but these Hawk Stormtroopers of yours, save this one, are far away at the moment! I think that with my two minions, Botanifex and the Bi-Clops, the forces of Vundabar may yet prevail!"

And indeed, a shambling overgrown mossy tree wielding a massive wooden ax, and a big guy with two eyes clad in intertwining orange and blue mechanical techno-armor, stand to flank Vundabar on either side.

"So, then, to arms!" Vundabar concludes. He taps his baton, and shimmering blades of laser light, one blue, one green, emerge from its ends. He holds it in the middle, which is surely the least painful place to hold it.

BRADADADOOM! Goes the Alpha Beam effect as Swift and Valendar arrive.

"Oh, what now?" demands Vundabar.

"A Boom Tube?" muses Kanto. "No ... too brilliant. This latest accretion of force cannot stem from our absent lord, great Darkseid. And a good thing, too, as he would find our struggle for power among ourselves distasteful, if not altogether surprising ... it hardly matters, though, Verman, whether this latest arrival supports you or me; for by the time they have emerged and collected their wits, my agile ally and I shall have crossed our swords some inches behind your red velvet jacket."

Kanto doffs his fancy feathered hat and makes an elegant bow to Hawkgirl.

"My lady? Shall we send this stiff-necked fellow to a damnation which may, for all we know, be an improvement over the Armaghetto?"

Having been raised by basically medieval cops with artful electronics and mechanics, Hawkgirl makes her curtsey. And remembers some fencing vocab, which is, after all, largely drawn from the Italian:

"Combattendo due a uno?"

"Si, uno a uno!" says Kanto.

He points his sword at Verman Vundabar and advances, as Verman advances towards him.

The Bi-Clops, clad in techno-active blue and orange armor, ruffs his shoulders into fans of electrically crackling quills.

Botanifex, meanwhile, just stands there in the moist street under the glare of the red sun. But his leaves spread and curl, and he puts on a few more inches of wooden muscle.

Swift uses her lightning reflexes to be wherever it looks like she'd do the most good. She picks up a stone or something as she moves, to have something to throw at high speed if needed.

Well, Vundabar's two minions are unopposed, although they don't seem about to interfere in Kanto vs. Vundabar.

However, Bi-Clops has now dressed his armor in taser-spikes and is looking for an opponent. He is about to move toward Hawkgirl.

Hawkgirl thinks the electrical mace might be a better choice against Bi-Clops. She pulls it out and wallops him with it--in the face.

Bi-Clops swings his crackling needle-lined arm, but too slowly! He takes an electrical crack to the face.

"One eye is closed ... but that leaves my special power, my EXTRA EYE, to find you!"

Whereas Botanifex is just biding his time, growing, as plants will.

Bizarropal City

GREEN ARROW
Green Arrow at high speed draws six armor-piercing arrows and shoots them three at a time through the sparking brass antennae crowning the green figure in an attempt to break all the antennae and dislodge them.

To Starman, Conner Hawke says, "The zen master Ki-no-Li once said that things are not always what they seem. They are usually weirder."

The green chalky fellow stops staggering and stands firmly, for once, with his brain-electrodes shot off.

"Great friend! You have saved me! Now no die among the atoms of your really quite remarkable and pleasant Earth!"

And he triggers his ray-gun, which emits a warbling sine wave of silver distortion, and swings it toward Green Arrow. There are but fractions of a second to act!

Starman, as Green Arrow observes, angles his Gravity Rod to yank the gun out of the weirdo's hand. He'll probably succeed in preventing Green Arrow from not dying among the atoms of the Earth.

Just then, from out of the darkness comes a golden lasso, which heads for Green Arrow. The Shade (who had acquired the lasso from his mother) is attempting to lasso the Green Arrow and pull him out of the way of the blast.

Green Arrow is saved from the ray gun!

"I hate the boxing glove arrow! It makes no sense!" he exclaims, compelled by the Lasso of Truth.

Starman recovers the ray gun and points it at the ground.

"Let's try that again," he says to the green guy. "Who are you, and what do you want?"

"Me am BIZARRO-BRAINIAC! Me am imperfect duplicate of Brainiac. Me copy cities from planets and give them to other planets! This city definitely not from Qward, the Weaponeers' homeworld. Nope, not Qward, you bet!"

"Now me not going to copy Opal City and drop it on New Mars! But without copying gun, this will be easy to accomplish!"

"Me no need any help, and especially not from me arch-enemy Lightseid. Me use antennas to contact him, because they work great and are no broken!"

Remorse in Paradise

"Oh my!" says Lightseid, having sent Hawkgirl off to another planet, but to all appearances having disintegrated her completely. "Me glad this has happened! Me very very glad!"

NOW Valendar would leap on Lightseid and smash him good. If Valendar weren't unconscious.

BRADADADADADADOOOOOM!

BRADADADADADADOOOOM!

Is the sound of the Alpha Beam.

Hawkgirl places the Absorbascon contact pads on Lightseid's temples, allowing him to absorb the thoughts of others, and thinks very hard!

Lightseid snaps awake. The Alpha Beams go in random directions, then once he wakes up, they settle on Hawkgirl and fly right at her!

ZZZAP!

Hawkgirl is now on Apokolips, home of Darkseid. Darkseid's Omega Beam scatters your atoms all across the universe, in equal distances from Apokolips. So Lightseid's Alpha Beam sends you to a distance of zero from Apokolips.

She is in Armaghetto, the steaming ruined shantytown of the Hunger Dogs, Darkseid's work force. Verman Vunderbar, the Minister of Terror, confronts her with his black monocle gleaming from below his severe Prussian haircut.

"A superhero? AGAIN? When will you people learn, there is no escape from Apokolips! Para-demons! SEIZE THE INTRUDER!"

Dragon-faced ape men with mechanical golden wings soar aloft. These are the Para-demons, Darkseid's elite enforcers, made as terrifying and capable as his dark imagination can devise!

Although, they may have been crafted in that order: terrifying, THEN capable. Perhaps their visage is worse than their violence ...

Battle in the Country of the Apes

Hmm...

Clarification...when Hawkgirl flies to talk to opposite-speaker Lightseid, where is he compared to where Swift and the gorilla are?

(In other words, do the gorilla and Swift here this? )

He's at the base of a hill next to the hill on which Swift and Valendar are. So perhaps 100 yards away, but there's no noise beside the chirp of contented birds, so sure, they can hear him.


Swift says to the gorilla. "I have heard that the villain Bizarro always says the opposite of what is true.

"He is...dangerous."


"I'm Hawkgirl!" she says cheerfully enough. "Beautiful place you have here. But we seem to be missing some giraffes..."

(The other part of Hawkgirl's brain is contemplating how to adapt Google translate so people always hear what Lightseid means instead of what he says...)

(The Google to Lightseid idea is quite amusing.)

Swift listens to hear what is said about the giraffes (if anything.)


"The giraffes hate it here! Take them away!"

"May I see them?"

"No! Don't look over there!"

Lightseid gestures grandly to the hill beside which he sits. Giraffes, among many other animals, are grazing and wandering peacefully, trying new foods and making new friends. Lions are combing the hair of small tasty tapirs.

Hawkgirl:
"This is really impressive! What happens now?"

Lightseid:
"No is ready yet for my master stroke, where I hide the Life Equation from NOBODY! Neither here nor on all the other planets! For my bitter enemy Bizarro-Brainiac was no help at all in finally solving the Life Equation, which I care NOTHING about!"

Hawkgirl:
"It looks like paradise... but are you leaving the animals and plants here or taking them somewhere else?"

Lightseid:
"Nothing will be happy and free, nowhere! Life will be cast down and abolished!" says Lightseid.

"That's villain talk," confirms Valendar. He unlimbers his nine-barreled science shotgun.

Hawkgirl:
"These guys always say the opposite of what they mean... so Everything will be happy and free, everywhere. Life will be uplifted and thrive."

"Unless we stop him!" says Valendar.

"Let's stop him!" says Swift. To Valendar, she says, "Are there more people back where you come from who might help? I could run there and spread the news...if there's a way to run there."

"Gorilla City has a whole city-full of gorillas!" says Valendar. "But no one can see the city unless the Flash is with them."

"Hmm...we'd better go solve this ourselves, then!"

Valendar leaps to his feet, bends over to knuckle the ground, and using all four limbs gallops toward Lightseid, brandishing his shotgun.

"Lightseid! I am strong! I am fast! I am Valendar! Lie down and admit I am better than you!"

"Yes," says Lightseid, smiling craggily. "You are better. Me no prove it now."

And his eyes suddenly fill with seething darkness.

"Alpha Beam leave your value ENTIRELY IN DOUBT!" says Lightseid, standing dramatically. "Many atoms will remain of you!"

The Master of the Flowers

"I would be happy to help. My search of the continent has not turned up any giraffes. My friend would like to help, too. May I introduce Hawkgirl."

Swift makes a courteous gesture from the gorilla to Hawkgirl.


Hawkgirl gives one of those elaborate curtsies they do on her home planet where honor is everything and medieval weapons are favored.
"Charmed, to be sure," she says demurely. Then she clears her throat.
"I have detected a strange--dare I say bizarre--presence in the center of the greening."
She bites her lower lip. "Jack--I mean Starman--says the usual way to beat Bizarro is with trickery. In other words, don't let him get close enough to punch you or stay in one place long enough for him to use eyebeams or anything like that... I wonder what he's up to?"

"They have left the continent? Oh dear!" says Valendar.

"Or could they, perhaps, be on a near-lying island, such as Zanzibar or Madagascar?"

Valendar says, "Bizarro? I do not know of this one. We in Gorilla City generally only know Flash villains. Could it be the Weather Wizard?"

"Have you heard of Superman?"

"Mmm ... the strong one? One of Flash's Friends?"

"Yes! He wears red, white and blue. And he flies. Sometimes."

"I suppose any friend of the Flash is ... nice. Nice to have."

Then Valendar has a troubling thought.

"Why, are we only getting him, not Daughter Flash?"

Sheilandra AKA Hawkgirl tries to explain. "Oh, no. Bizarro probably isn't here to help you. Probably. He's doing his own thing. I wouldn't say he's a friend of the Flash, would you, Swift?"

Swift says decisively. "No. Bizzaro is definitely not a friend! The is the enemy of another hero."

Swift says, "I am here to help you. While I have searched the continent diligently...they could be hidden inside or...underground!

"Or, they may have been removed entirely...and it is not just giraffes. Others are missing, too."

HAWKGIRL:
"I wonder why he's creating now..."

She flies in for a closer look.

In the center of all the lush flowering fruiting greenery is a strange man. Massive, pale, slab-sided as though hewn from a massive block of chalk, he sits upon an impromptu throne of limestone, holding a butterfly in his granitic palm.

"Goodbye!" he greets Hawkgirl. "Me am Lightseid, imperfect duplicate of Darkseid. Me am sad to see you. Get out of your country, the worst place on Earth!"

A Strange Encounter in Opal city's alleys

Monkey King.

"Okay ship, sic them." he will then go join Green Arrow and stop the robots. 

before he leaves the ship, monkey realizes that Star Man can help and would probably be mad if he didn't let him in on the action. So he calls Stars on the Mega Phone (the secret communication device used by martians in the atmosphere. it amplifies one's voice to be louder and is totally not a normal megaphone.) 

"Hey Star Man! Green Arrow knows where the robots are coming from! this way!" he then tells the ship to fly him to Green Arrow.

A Martian flying saucer silently leaps to one inch away from Green Arrow's leg. Moments later, Starman arrives, pulled by the gleaming golden glow of his Gravity Rod.

"Stars, arrows ... we got this covered," says Starman. "Hey, Conner. Got any zen insights for this situation? Because little wind-up candy thieves sounds like more of a Teen Titans Go kinda menace to me. ... oh, oh! Want to introduce yourself, baldy?"

From the side of the brass mechanical city, a strange figure stirs. He is pale green, jagged and cracked like a sculpture hewn out of green foam. Six brass antennae bristle from his head, connected by fitful sparks. Every time a spark shoots from one antenna to the other, the strange figure jerks an arm, or a leg, like a spastic marionette.

He wears a pink leotard with white boots and trunks, and has a tapered silver ray-gun in his left hand.

"Go! M-m-m-me wish you harm! Me a-a-am no the master here! This YOUR city am going to be, so come closer! T-t-t-tic! Or me am NOT shoot!"

Introductions in Paradise

Hawkgirl politely taps Swift on the shoulder to get her attention. "I know it's beautiful--but we really should find Bizarro..."

Swift blinks and nods, "Right-o!"

She runs off to do it...and then realizes that she left Hawkgirl behind and comes back, only seconds after she left, creating a wind to nicely stir Hawkgirl's hair.

"Ready! Lead the way!"

"Well, this gorilla scout works for King Solovar. And King Solovar was trying to contact your dad, so... maybe you'd best talk with the scout...and then the king? That is, if the scanner can't pick up Bizarro close by..." She does scan the area again.

"Ah! That's a slightly different manner."

Swift approaches the ape and bows slightly. "Sir, I am the daughter of the Flash. A little birdy* told me that you were looking for my father."

*--well, someone with wings.

"Indeed! I am Valendar, one of Gorilla City's Jungle Rangers. My king, the wise and ancient Solovar, has bid me discover why the giraffes have vanished. And who better to help us than Human Girl Flash, daughter of Human Flash?"

Also, Hawkgirl's scanner picks up a bizarre life-form at the epicenter of all the lush greenery.